People have asked me, “How are you managing?”

Often I answer with a spiritual response. But, sometimes I say, “Grit.”

I have grit.

Grit is an understudied attribute in humans. I did find one research study though examining the relationship between grit and resilience.

“The concept of grit is proposed to be a construct related to achievement and is worth study as a possible protective factor. In the definition by Duckworth et al, grit has 2 elements: persistence of effort in the face of adversity (perseverance) and consistency of interest (passion for long-term goals).11 Grit entails “working strenuously toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress.”11

In a session one time, I remember sitting down as the client and feeling flooded with emotion, and I said, “Where do I begin? There’s just so much to unpack here.”

And, in a traditional talk therapy session, I might have begun to relate all that had happened. We could have examined my cognitive distortions and traced the emotions back to childhood attachment. There is a place for that and research to support the efficacy of CBT.

However, as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, she said, “Why don’t you start with physiology?” What’s happeninging in the body right now?

I receive lots of emails about if I work with kids. And, sometimes I do. But, more often than not, I like to work with their parents. I believe kids regulate with us. For those of you who birthed your children, their nervous systems began forming in utero and they continued to develop over the first 18 months of life. With my son, when he is “off” the first thing I ask is, “How am I?” Well, sometimes that is not the first thing I ask, of course. I am a human and a parent, and so sometimes, I think, “What is wrong with him?” Any way, this story explains how I teach my son about nervous system regulation through modeling coming back into a grounded state following a stressful event. Trigger Warning: police encounter.

I picked my son up from school, and we were on the way to one of the after school curriculars, when I heard the siren. A glance in the rear view brought the flashing lights into view.

When I taught yoga for many years, I worked individually with students in private sessions. Most of my clients were elders who had chronic pain and deep holding in their bodies. What they expressed to me again and again was that sometimes when I would just place a hand on their shoulder, they’d feel it let go. At the time, I didn’t really understand why or how. Was it the connection– the gentle embrace? Was it the energy in my hand? Was it some Higher Power working through me? Was it just placebo because I was the teacher and they were the student?

What most people ask when they call me is: what does a typical session entail?

People come to my office. On the outside it doesn’t look like much. I call it Grandma’s house. Inside, it’s an inviting environment that facilitates letting down. Clients come in, and the invitation is to become present-moment-aware in the space and to examine what is in your field in the present moment. What presents in the field drives the session. Let’s consider for a moment in this hypothetical story that what might be anxiety.

Ok, so what does your experience of anxiety in this moment feel like?

I see this with my clients all of the time. They come in for sessions, and they’ve got something they’re looking to fix. They see themselves as a problem that needs solving. And, honestly, I’m wired to see myself that way, too. Something is wrong with me syndrome.

The body, however, is simply begging for attention. The body is intelligent in the way it communicates with us.

“I feel like I’ve been catapulted out of a cannon.” I say this to him as I’m lying on his table. I’ve driven over an hour to see him. This work on my own nervous system has required diligence and perseverance. Somatic work is the most potent practice I’ve found though, and I’ve shopped around throughout my life. We begin to work with the energy of how it feels for my body to let down. As I lie on the table with nowhere to be—